Go Away or DIE

AS you can tell from the title my mood isn't the greatest of sorts.

People say I have mood swings worst than the weather.. I agree with them.. however Jeff says that its a good thing that I know my problem... now the problem is whether I want to fix it.

I guess I've been trying but its kinda hard.. but its better now that I don't flare up and go all Godzilla on people anymore even Jeff... but now I go into a more passive one... being aloof and confined..

I'm a self diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder Patient.. if you've watched the movie girl interupted or read the book you'll know what it is... but then again the symptoms of it are so general that anybody who reads through them would say "hey that's me".

Well the good thing now is I value myself way more than I did 3 years ago where I had crazy emotional outbreaks where I'd lock myself in the bath room and slice myself with watever i found "just to feel the pain" (yea I know its crazy) One reason why I'm glad to be home now, cuz I can't do this kinda crazy stunts at home anymore cuz I wouldn't dare...

So why was wat I was in Cali but not what I am here? *shrug* maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm afraid to go back to Cali, I don't know what's gonna happen to me when I go back... and that's why i left too.. I was doing more harm to myself than any good.

I'm good here.. but I feel I don't belong here... *sigh* (sense the BPD kicking in, the "I don't belong anywhere") Yea maybe its juz cuz I'm pissed now.. little things tick me off... but like I said I don't go Godzilla on peepz anymore I rather do THIS (blog) its healthier...